


A Thousand Paper Cranes

by MakaylaJade



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Bad Poetry, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Suicidal Thoughts, This is trash, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-10
Updated: 2021-03-10
Packaged: 2021-03-17 13:07:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 775
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29966838
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MakaylaJade/pseuds/MakaylaJade
Summary: They say a thousand paper cranes are gifted to the hopeless.“Sometimes I wonder,” Spencer started in a low murmur, gazing out into the black sky, “what it would be like to jump.”
Relationships: Derek Morgan/Spencer Reid, Savannah Hayes/Derek Morgan
Comments: 8
Kudos: 25





	A Thousand Paper Cranes

**Author's Note:**

> I don't even know... This is complete and utter word garbage so good luck making sense of it.

They say a thousand paper cranes are gifted to the hopeless.

“Sometimes I wonder,” Spencer started in a low murmur, gazing out into the black sky, “what it would be like to jump.”

No response was given, because no one was listening. All around him were the sleeping faces of his friends, his teammates, passed out like any sensible person would be after going twenty four hours without sleep while working to solve a triple homicide. Just beside him, in the seat beside his own, Derek Morgan lay asleep too, his head just slightly tilted downwards, his warm exhales puffing against Spencer’s shoulder. 

Not even a thousand paper cranes could erase the sense of inadequacy within Spencer.

“What do you think it would be like to skydive?” Derek asked him casually on a separate occasion. “I bet it would be so freeing.”

Spencer didn’t have the heart to tell him that it would only be liberating without a parachute. So instead, his lips quirked up and he shrugged his shoulders, “The terminal velocity of a free faller, assuming they remain in the belly-to-earth body position, is around one hundred and twenty miles per hour. But the head-to-earth position has a terminal velocity of anywhere from one fifty to one eighty, depending on a multitude of other factors including height of the jump, the person’s body weight, and the weight of the equipment they wear. So I guess it really depends on your definition of ‘freeing.’”

Derek would just smile that warm smile, and Spencer would feel his heart clench in his chest.

“I wonder what it would be like,” he said to himself that night, alone in his apartment, staring into the eyes of his reflection, “if Derek someday came to love me.”

Not even a thousand paper cranes could overpower his adoration for Derek.

It was late, he and Derek were still at work. He dreamed of whispering his love into the silence, dispelling that sense of inadequacy built up over the years as it wafted up to Derek’s office. The sensation of falling sounded so nice. Falling into oblivion sounded much nicer than falling in love anyway, especially seeing as the man he desired would never reciprocate those feelings, not even as Derek came out from the inner realms of his office and guided Spencer back inside with hushed whispers. Clothes were shed, tears were not, Derek was temporary, loneliness was not.

But it was perfect. It might not have meant anything to Derek, but to Spencer, it filled within him a void that nobody had ever been able to fill before. Their hot breath blended together in the space between their lips which met throughout their passionate encounter. Roaming hands and the wall stabilized Spencer, keeping him in place as he was wholly and utterly ravaged, sobs of pleasure raining from his lips.

Derek introduced them all to Savannah Hayes, an ER doctor just a week after their late night exploit in the office. 

Not even a thousand paper cranes could rival the sense of betrayal Spencer felt. 

“Do you think it could ever work out?” Spencer asked Derek one night, evidence of their activities demonstrated throughout the room; clothes all over the otherwise clean floor, a used condom in the waste bin beside the bed, and a bottle of lube opened and sticky around the top. Pale fingers idly traced over the essence on his stomach, swirling unrecognizable patterns in the mess.

“No,” Derek said, shaking his head, “You and I... we just wouldn’t work. Besides, I have Savannah now. We’ll have to put an end to this eventually.”

It was funny, how just after that sentence, their bodies gravitated together once again, lips clashing and hips meeting in harsh friction of skin against skin. 

Spencer left when Derek dismissed him in favor of taking a shower.

Not even a thousand paper cranes could dispel the loneliness inside.

He found himself home, elbows perched on the railing of his balcony, eyes staring out at the dark scenery around him. The inner skin of his forearms itched, and he gave in to the temptation to scratch them, fingers sliding over the corpses of his past mistakes that once burned red against the ivory layering of epidermis which was supposed to protect him from the world. 

“I love you, Derek,” he wished he had said. His eyes fell from his black surroundings and down to the asphalt below. “I love you, Derek,” he said to the silence of the night, eyes burning and his lips parting for one last inhale.

Not even a thousand paper cranes could compete against a thousand unshed tears. 

**Author's Note:**

> Tumblr - @makaylajadewrites


End file.
